Elements of FPM Part 3: Confidence/Self Worth

(Above: How the Elements of Forward Positive Momentum interconnect)

Thank You for joining us in this three part series on the Elements of FPM. Today, we conclude our series with Confidence and Self Worth.

Confidence is the belief in yourself that you can meet life's challenges and succeed it is also the attitude of that belief. In 2019 more than any other time in history our confidence is constantly under attack from all the stressors of daily life. We are so busy stacking our achievements and accomplishments, running the mill of the work-life-balance, raising families, commuting, loving, and advocating for others. There just doesn't seem to be that much time for... me? Stay cool as a cucumber we will get you there..

We have to find a way back to ourselves... we can't help anyone else if our own house isn't in order. Confidence is developed like any skill through practice and conditioning. When we lack confidence our motivation and ambition become memories of a fantastical past. They get lost in the maelstrom of daily life. They are forgotten. Once this happens our ability to be mindful is compromised. Any of the spokes on the wheel of FPM are equally important when any one of the vital elements starts to fade it is only a matter of time before the chips fall and only a matter of time before catastrophe strikes.  Let's accelerate to a solution here are several confidence building strategies (outside of 1-on1 coaching that help):

1. Don't Hold Back- your feelings, your devotion, yourself
(learn to be mindful of your feelings, thoughts, emotions, attitude rather than judgemental)

2. Be Yourself- this is a hard one because we often want to make everyone happy: if you're happy you'll radiate happiness and so others will share in that happiness.. it's contagious spread it far and wide!

3.Get Good at something- remember when we talked about motivation and ambition? These are actually great tools for cultivating and expanding on self confidence! 

4.When it all seems overwhelming think of your higher purpose - helping others, making positive changes in your life and the lives of others is a great starting point.

5.Take the time to get to know yourself- practices like mindfulness are really great for this approach. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses can help you find areas to work on (like in step 3) so that you can be a more confident you.

6.Make a point to get in some physical activity- even walking for 5 minutes a day and increasing in intervals can do wonders for your confidence.

7.Surround yourself with Support- Find and attract those within your inner circle that will promote your feeling of well being. This is a pretty tough challenge as without personal awareness it's sometimes hard to identify the negative influences. Start with awareness work from there. 

Is how much value we put in ourselves as a person.

How can we rate ourselves as a person? It's a subjective question that each individual has to answer for themselves but we often miss it in the self-talk and thoughts that slip away from us on a daily basis.  
"I did a great job on that project", "I look like shit this morning".
  

Our self talk reveals a lot about our inner world that we often won't admit to ourselves.

We like to leave our readers with some resources- food for thought as it were. If you have done the FPM Test today after having read this article go back and do it again.. if not do the Test and then do one in about an hour or so. Let us know your result in the forum, let's build some answers!

 
 
 

 

What is FPM all about?

 

 

Forward Positive Momentum(FPM) is based off the Sailboat Metaphor from Positive Psychology. FPM is a construct that elaborates on the Metaphor in terms of explaining our apparent "Speed" on the River of Life. Self-Awareness/Mindfulness, Motivation/Ambition, Confidence/Self Worth are the three characteristics that make up the concept of FPM. We'd like you to check out the video describing the Sailboat metaphor by Positive-psychology.com by clicking the link below the picture.In future blog posts we will be examining more closely the three conditions of FPM. Situational Awareness/Mindfulness, Motivation/Ambition, and Confidence/Self Worth.

 

 

 

 

 The Sailboat Metaphor Click Me

(Courtesy of: http://www.transformativeinsights.co.nz/youth-coaching)

Elements of FPM Part 1: Situational Awareness/Mindfulness

"Mindfulness is the Key to Situational Awareness and Situational Awareness is a part of Mindfulness."

Mindfulness was originally a meditative practice that started with Jon Kabat-Zinn and Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), in 1979. It is a meditation that enables practitioners to become more aware of their thoughts, body sensations, emotions and in recent years MBCBT (Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy) has emerged as a new specialized tool in the mindfulness arsenal. CBT is a psychological modality that helps you deal with the inaccurate/negative behavioral patterns that we exhibit as a result of trauma or mental health. Combined MBCBT helps us to not only modify the behavior but also to fully understand it's purpose without being judgemental or critical but simply by acknowledging it's there and it exists.

Situational Awareness is important in cultivating a sense of progress because we often don't give ourselves credit for what we do! Some of us give ourselves too much credit and some of us are blissfully unaware of what we're doing. We might not even be aware that we are self-sabotaging, deceiving ourselves, or making unrealistic goals. It's important to be grounded in everything you do but ultimately you need to be able to not only observe what's going on but also to perceive what is happening and to understand why it's happening. SA - Situational Awareness, is so important to the concept of Forward Positive Momentum FPM because it enables us to examine our entire situation so that we can start removing road blocks.

How Mindful are You?

Here's a Quick online test that will give you some idea of how mindful you are at present..

 

Mindfulness Quiz 

How did you do?

Leave a Comment below the post . (just for fun)

Further Resources

https://mbsrtraining.com/about-jon-kabat-zinn/

(For Mindfulness training there is no better place to start Here you can get the original MBSR training and even get certified by Jon Kabat-Zinn)

We will be doing a special blog series on MBCBT after our current series on the Elements of FPM!

Elements of FPM Part 2: Motivation/Ambition

 

 

 

"Motivation (MO) is our desire to either accomplish something or to avoid something unpleasant."

"Ambition which is still part of motivation is the actual goal or thing with which we are focused on accomplishing or avoiding."

 

We can be motivated to greatness very easily- as Obi-Wan-Kin-obi would have said it just depends on "your point of view." Motivations and accomplishments for some might be just getting out of bed in the morning

(Image Courtesy:https://www.verywellmind.com/sleep-problems-when-you-have-ptsd-2797478)

To a Great Many of Those out there this is a monumental accomplishment- it's literally for some the hardest thing they have to do all day. It's our purpose here to bring awareness to our friends, family , co-workers, and even the stranger who is suffering all alone. Don't run away from one another- embrace each other.

Ambitions can be things like pursuing education, finding a rewarding career, having children, finding love... there are as many ambitions as there are human beings on the planet and then some!

O.k. Wait I'm confused what's the difference between Motivation and Ambition?

Motivation is the actual feeling or amount of feeling we have when it comes to realizing our ambitions. When you read or hear ambition think: goal or better yet desired outcome. If Ambition is the destination then Motivation is the gas in the car. It's the fuel of our passions but it is also the fuel of our fears. The motivation to run away from danger is the desire to be safe with the ambition to avoid danger.

Now that we've established the difference I want to briefly highlight the different sub types of Motivation so we can paint a much clearer picture for you:

External Motivations

These are things that make you feel motivated based on some external reward or compensation. These can be accomplishing things due to incentive, fear, or expectation due to some external factor. Types of External Motivations:

1. Incentive Motivation

When You're driven by the reward that occurs as a result of accomplishment rather than the accomplishment itself.

2. Fear Motivation

This is motivation that is geared towards avoiding pain or consequences.

3. Power Motivation

When we seek power over ourselves or others.

4. Affiliation and Social Motivation

Our desire for belonging and acceptance.

5.Expectancy Theory

When our motivations come from the outcomes that we expect in a situation.

6.Equity Theory

When we expect a fair reward- it's not always dependent on how fair we are to other people but in some instances by how fair other people are to each other.

Internal Motivations

Things that make you feel motivated based on internal rewards. Think Inner Growth. For clarification's sake here are the different types of Internal Motivators:

1. Learning Motivation

Motivation that comes with learning something new where it's more about learning something new rather than the reward that ensues.

2. Behavioral Motivation

Oriented towards changing the way we think and behave.

3. Achievement Motivation

Comes from the successful accomplishment/completion of some specific goal.

4. Arousal Theory

Individuals are motivated by specific levels of arousal: i.e. mental alertness, attentiveness.

6. Physiological Motivation

These are motivations whose roots lie deep in the very fabric of every human being. These are the motivations that can make or break a person's health. The ambition to seek warmth comes from the motivation to survive by not succumbing to hypothermia.

How Motivated are You?

Here's a quick test to see how motivated you are

Feel Free to Share your comments down below!

Motivation Test 

 

A Bit of Stoicism .. impressionable?

So Lately I've been studying Stoicism.. it really puts things into focus when the external world stops making such an impression on what's going on in your life.

 Yeah I know it shouldn't be all that mind-blowing but most people do it without even realizing it.. you know that sub conscious thing again.

In stoicism we learn that external impressions shouldn't become internalized it makes us lead a life that isn't "in accord with nature." we hear this a lot in the Enchiridion - the what? Nevermind that for now. It's by a Stoic Philosopher named Epictetus. About $5.00 on Amazon... anyway...

The Graphic I put in the above represents the concept of what happens when external expressions become internalized they go through our own mental philter and get rearranged according to our own value systems.. there's only one problem here, it didn't originate from within and therefore is an external expression attempting to impress itself into our internal world. This is how arguments happen at times it happens because we view things differently and sometimes we want to impress those viewpoints or perspectives on other people. 

Even so-called experts try to do this at times simply because they just don't agree with the way we choose to look at things. This is how transference occurs. The trouble with transference is it is the impression of an expression by someone else that is trying to manifest in a strange environment- am I calling you strange? You betcha! It's better to try to understand what the other person is saying than to simply impose your viewpoint on them. In fact as Dr. Jordan Peterson says "assume the person you're talking to knows something you don't" because 9 out of 10 times its true. Effective communication is the key to resolution of any troubling situation and sometimes communication itself breaks down that's when it's time to take a step back and consider what is being discussed individually - but always always go back to it and be willing to work it out..
mutually!
Ahhhh.... that's better.

(above)
The thoughts of others and their opinions trying to make an impression on the mind of another person  

Now I'm not saying that you can't change the mind of another person with your opinion because that would be ridiculous.. what I'm saying is very simply that when the person's mind becomes changed it is because they are the ones changing their opinion.

That's all for Now my Friends,

As always Life is a Challenge not a contest, it is the pursuance of personal greatness not suffering .

Have a Great Thanksgiving!

David L. Asselstine, PSW, RLC, NLP 

#recovery #diamondmodel #recoverylifecoach #stoic #philosophy #internalimpressions #externalexpressions 
 

Make the World a Better Place Pt.3

(courtesy of Sunspots "The Cornell Daily" Thank you for the picture)

Accessibility Offender of the Day Award 

Monday, September 9th, 2019

You can be angry about my blog if you like that's your right. The events portrayed in this blog are the opinion and observations of the blogger. Personally, I've tried every government avenue, every social avenue I can construe at this point; I'm sick and tired of people with disabilities being ignored.

Well here I thought I had gotten the word out about accessibility but surprise surprise *sigh* society throws us another curve ball and today we present the first in our AOD Awards (AODA for short)...

St. Vincent de Pull Thrift Store

Your Parents must be so proud

So here's the story folks... Miss N. (we'll keep her name out of this because we're good like that) needed a new dresser and by new I mean a gently used piece of furniture. 

Miss N. is visually impaired and she goes into this boutique of bustling beauty to pick out her dream dresser. She informs the clerk on the onset that she needs help making sure that when the store delivers her furniture that they can take it up to her bedroom. Prior to payment they agree to these terms in front of Miss. N. and Her friend Miss. A who just so happens to be a PSW. Great We'll deliver the furniture in a few days time.. Fantastic we're off to the races. The delivery is $50 extra but hey it's worth it... isn't it? 

The delivery driver arrives in the morning. The first attempt is a miss. They contact Miss N. on the telephone and she promises that someone will be there to get the dresser. They place the dresser in the middle of the living room. "Hey are you going to bring that upstairs?" Mr. D asks. The delivery driver who looks like a truck stop patron says "ground floor only." He laughs, yep he actually laughs. When I was made aware of these circumstances I decided that I would advocate for Miss N. The store then says: "We can't contact the delivery drivers until they get back to the store."

So here it is people. This is more commonplace then most people would like to realize. It happens every single day. It happens because we let it. 

I'm a long way with done with these people. Raise the flags and tell everyone you can about this blog because awareness is key. The more we bring these sketchy figures into the light of social justice the better off we'll be as a society.

Forward Positive Momentum 2.0

Fσɾɯαɾԃ Pσʂιƚιʋҽ Mσɱҽɳƚυɱ

 

Tнoυgнt Eхperιмent:

 

Close your eyes. Focus on your breathing : in through the nose and out through the mouth nice and easy. Now breathe in and hold for a count of 4. Hold that breath for 7 seconds, (if you have difficulty with breathing hold it in for 4-5 seconds- whichever is more comfortable for you), now gently exhale for 6-8 seconds. Imagine a sparkling lake, the waters surface smells of earth and moss with nothing but the reflection of the nice warm sun on the surface. You are that sail boat.

 

 

 

 

 

Here's a synopsis of the What's implied by the sailboat metaphor - (courtesy of Linda Worley MD )

 

Accelerated Coaching Solutions Found Here 

offers the Forward Positive Momentum App from Google Play:

Here    

We're a coaching service that puts the tools in your hands for a really great cost ! Seriously though, $1.99 what? Check it out for yourself and expect more because there will be more!

 

In the App we use the metaphor that RPM (revolutions per minute) is the actual driving force of  the boat from the boat metaphor.  The Forward Positive Momentum of your life is literally the driving force of your life. We  divided FPM into three categories . Those categories are Situational Awareness/ Focus, (SA), Motivation/Ambition (MA), and finally Confidence/Self Worth (CS). In the next three blog posts we will be going into depth to elaborate about what and why we chose these specific categories. 

Situational Awareness/ Focus

Our ability to be aware of challenges in our life helps us to find solutions. When we're focused on overcoming challenges we feel empowered to make positive changes in our lives. 

(courtesy of Google Images)

We've paired up the category of Self Awareness with a quick look at either general or specific anxiety. You're asked to look at your day as a whole or find a specific situation and identify whether the situation caused you anxiety helps put you in touch with your awareness and will help you focus on improving those places you find you're having difficulty with in your day to day life.

Make the World a Better Place Pt.2

𝓑𝓮 𝓪 𝓟𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓦𝓸𝓻𝓵𝓭 𝓸𝓯 𝓞𝓷𝓮 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷

 

**This is your trigger warning**
This blog contains offensive language and content that WILL MOST DEFINITELY offend liberal fluffies- back off now You've been warned...
 
Welcome Back Everyone!

So Let's start this off on the right foot ( or the left if you prefer)

(courtesy of Google Images)

 

We are all human beings doing the best that we can to be better at being ourselves.

In our last blog post we talked about the necessity to show courtesy to people with disabilities but I would really like to point out that we should show everyone courtesy. 
Parents are busier than ever trying to stay afloat in a world full of crazy expectations and demanding work schedules that make having work/life balance a near impossibility for most people. They just simply don't have time to teach their children things like : "don't stare at the girl in the wheel chair because it's rude" or more specifically: 
" simply standing in front of someone trying to load up into a wheel chair accessible taxi. They stand there faces buried in their cell phones with no awareness of what's happening around them as this individual is trying to get up the wheel chair ramp. "

"Please?"  what the hell does that mean? Give it to me now!!

"Thank You" Gratitude? from Millennials, from GenX, City Dwellers ? Yeah right 

Our social skills have gone the way of the dodo thanks to the fancy pocket-calculators we call cellphones. Do you know what goes hand-in-hand with social skills? Common Courtesy!

Heaven forbid you hold a door open for someone and get called a misogynist

Common Courtesy is a set of unspoken rules that allows everyone in a community to function in a harmonious environment of respect and mutual consideration.
 
Common Courtesy comes from the values and respect for other people that parents teach their children. When the children don't understand basic manners it's on the parents and it's not the kids fault that the parents didn't take the time to teach them to respect other people. 

Yep it's your fault

 

Here's one well-known cultural offender who mistreat their vulnerable population: China

Some cultures don't see disabled people the way that we do in the West.In the West we are implementing laws and adaptable systems to include access for everyone. In China as in the picture above disabled people are treated like worthless prisoners locked up and kept away from public view.

Most of the Islam World hates dogs. Visually impaired people use dogs to navigate and there is another group that we have not touched on yet : Emotional Support Dogs.  I have personally witnessed proprietors of this sect opening doors to apartment buildings to let a young lady's service dog run away from her deliberately. I have seen them in many instances attempt to provoke a non-service animal into an aggressive act in order to have the animal put down. 
Grow up. 

" this is not an excuse for poor behavior this is a refusal to live in harmony because everyone else won't conform to your cultural/belief systems."

- I put quotes around this because I'm saying this and I hope someone does quote this somewhere because it's about damn time we woke up to what's going on around us. 

Make the World a Better Place Pt.1

 Stop Ignoring and Mistreating those with Disabilities

Your Author and Friend: David L. Asselstine

My name is David L. Asselstine; it's a pleasure to meet you! I am a grateful pet owner to my dog Bear, an Uncle to 3 amazing nephews: I'm also blind in one eye. The last part shouldn't matter to be completely honest but most people will ask because when I look at them it's easy to see that I have a lazy eye but to be specific strabismus. (I have some medical training but I'm not a doctor ... yet). It makes meeting people and having conversations with people really hard because I enjoy talking to people but some people just stare at my eye the entire time sometimes interrupting to ask: "are you looking at me?" I ignore it and say: "yes of course, I'm talking to you." The truth is it hurts just a little each time- I know where it's coming from so it's not the sort of hurt that lingers but just the same I wish people could see the world the way that I do- without prejudiced and without judgement. Disability means according to the Webster's Dictionary:

" 1. [count] : a condition (such as an illness or an injury) that damages or limits a person's physical or mental abilities. She has learned to keep a positive attitude about her disability. disabilities such as blindness and deafness."

--https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=websters+definition+of+disability

It doesn't say anywhere in there that having a disability makes you less of a person it says that it damages or limits a person's physical or mental ability. When I see someone in a wheel chair I see someone who has either difficulty or near impossibility to ambulate and thus the remedy for that particular person is a wheel chair. They are a person not a person in a wheel chair. I don't stare at the person or whisper or laugh... (the laughter really pisses me off) but most of all I don't make assumptions about the person either. Too often I've seen this! People in wheel chairs seen as being Developmentally Challenged or the term that I absolutely hate without exception: retarded. I hated even typing that in this blog but I am making a point.  
What about asking the person what their disability is? Let's illuminate this point really well because there are well wishers out there who definitely try to understand beyond assumption and/ or plain ignorance and they truly mean well but to be honest we don't consider in our impulsiveness that answering these kind of questions can be extraordinarily embarrassing for some people and even degrading. Would you like to announce to the world and to everyone you meet what kind of underpants you're wearing? It doesn't matter what type of disability any person has- they are a person and they have a beautiful heart and a beautiful soul like the rest of us. Keep your hearts open and love will find you. We'll talk more about this later.

For Now,

Much Love,

Dave, NLP, PSW, RLC

So Forward Positive Momentum What is it?

Sometimes we need things to move quickly
Sometimes we need things to slow down,
Knowing what you want to achieve helps you maintain balance. 

(App available on Google Play)

(https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=appinventor.ai_BrotherAlchemyst.FPM2)

"The FPM SET started as a way for me to keep track of my goals, identify areas where I was having difficulty and to have a visual representation of where I believed my life was headed. I loved the sailboat metaphor from Psychology but from the first time I heard it- I knew something of an idea was brewing within me."

                   -Creator David L. Asselstine

It's still an evolving concept and I'm not sure that I can ever promise that it will be done but what I can promise is that you will only ever pay for this app one time. The FPM SET is a tool designed for people to use even if you only have 5 minutes a day ! It is an evaluation tool that gauges specific situations throughout your day that you considered important enough to include on the evaluation. There are 3 basic criteria for the FPM SET they are Situational Awareness/Mindfulness , Motivation/Ambition, and finally but not least Self Confidence. I'll leave it at this for now because in the next blog I'll be discussing the Sailboat Metaphor itself. This information is also included in the App itself by the way and it's available on youtube. 

A Clear Invitation to the Dance...

The Self Mastery Series - "The Diamond"
 

R.I.F.F. -there's a method to the madness- it's also about challenging conceptions when it comes to affordable care.
The LIne is drawn...
#ACS #diamond #focus #diamondfocus #sms #selfmasteryseries #riff #affordable #rateindexfeefinder

The Challenge

Introducing "The Diamond Model"

Self Mastery Series: "The Diamond Model"

 "On the Current observations of progress with regards to psychological help in conjunction with the current system. "

prolonged exposure:
 or the longest time our struggles seemed in vain- the strongest of wills could/would/do collapse under the weight of such psychological poverty . 

Psychological Poverty:  The state of being in poor psychological health with regards to the performance of Activities of Daily Living and/or Instrumental Activities of Daily Living. 

The system itself is unmanageable at best  we lost faith in the power that therapy could provide us answers because our ability to comprehend the reasons for our therapy was overwhelming and didn't seem to either take our perceived needs into account but it also left us feeling worse. We needed coping mechanisms to take home with us from the very beginning because we didn't want to lose the impetus that brought us to the altars of getting help: we made a sacrifice to come to this place of helping and found in disappointment that because of either social and/or financial reasons the help was there but we couldn't afford it.

The reality of such a system is one of relentless pursuit of an answer that never comes .   
It's hard enough to navigate through a system that isn't made for us to understand it's even more tough to get the help that you need regardless of how much money you netted last year. The simple truth is this: We need money to live and these highly trained individuals are no exception- but at what cost?

 he singular simple truth that I know about health care in Canada is.. "without a Dr. as your sextant and the light of good therapy to guide your way the search for good mental health can truly seem like trying to find your way on a sea of blackness that never stops moving."

We will go into depth on what each facet of the Diamond represents but for now I would like to bring your attention to one critical point : In order for Coaching/Recovery to work you need to be able to use it. Therefore, if there is no system in place to make these services accessible there will be a large population of people in the lower income brackets that will not get the help they need. 

In The Self Mastery Series Videos on Youtube: ( Here's where it starts )  
Our aim is to give you good quality content that helps put you in the Driver's seat of your Sailboat on the river of life. In our next video we're going to talk about R.I.F.F. or Rate Index Fee Finder that's included in the Diamond Model itself.  It's a system that we use to make our services accessible to anyone's budget because the bottom line isn't me getting rich it's about people getting the help they need.